There’s a Lot More to Life Than Being Lean

Now I know this sounds super rich coming from someone that is probably in the best shape they can be in right now. & this isn’t just another slim girl here to talk about the fact that we all have insecurities. I’m actually writing about how I know that I shouldn’t be this lean and why I battle with wanting to be slim, but knowing what is actually good for me. It’s a by-product of the lifestyle that I enjoy, but something that I really need to watch. It’s also something that we should really stop promoting to be a goal as a society.

I’m not sure if it helps, but I know I’m slim. I always have been. I’ve always been into sport. I had loads of fitness based hobbies as a child. As per everyone, I put on a few pounds at Uni. I still burnt plenty of calories on the dance floor, through walking everywhere & plenty of hours a week working behind a bar. It wasn’t always enough to make up for the kebabs and pints. My image was not the most important thing then. Having fun & getting good grades were the priority — so I never really thought about it.

I like being active & I need to do something that clears my head, so when I started an office job I joined a gym and started running. I loved it so much that I chose to run a marathon for fun. Staying in shape has always been a by-product of a lifestyle that I enjoy.

The benefits of exercise

Exercise has always had a big mental benefit for me. Getting out for a run, or putting the headphones in to lift some weights has always been an amazing way to switch off and reset.

Whenever I’m feeling off, I can almost guarantee that a workout will shift my mindset.

I love the high of exercise — training and completing a marathon was still one of the best things that I’ve ever done. Being ‘in shape’ has always been a nice by-product of that. Usually, I don’t focus on my weight, because instead I’m always focussing on how I can get fitter, faster, stronger — it’s a different kind of obsession. But still an obsession that I need to watch.

I am a firm believer that being fit and strong allows me to do the things I want to do in life with ease and should benefit me as I age.

But I know that I need to make sure that I don’t get too competitive with myself.

Pushing your body too far

In 2019 I was training for a half marathon. As always, aiming for a new PB. A couple of weeks beforehand, I started to feel some pain in my hip. I could still do most exercise, but it was mainly running that caused it to play up.

I went to see a physio. They said I will probably finish the race, but I might not be able to run for a while afterwards. They did also advise me to see a doctor to be sure, so this isn’t on them! But you know what doctor wait times are like, so my determination to go and run this race whilst I was in good form meant that I went ahead and ran the race anyway.

I smashed the first 5k, then my hip started to hurt. 2k later, struggling through walking and running, I literally couldn’t walk any more. I ended up in the back of an ambulance and had to go around the rest of the race course on a sweeper bus — I do not wish that experience on anyone.

I honestly thought the injury was not a big deal. It didn’t matter that I needed support walking, I still went to the pub and sank 8 pints — standard Brockwell. Laughing about the experience, I genuinely thought that I would rest up for a couple of days and be fine. The next day came and I physically couldn’t walk.

I went to A&E. Again, I thought I would be fine and I’d be sent home with crutches. Instead, I ended up in hospital for 5 days and had to have an operation on a broken hip.

When they were doing my assessment, they checked things with me like my periods, my weight and my level of exercise. Women can potentially suffer from a female athletic triad and can be far more susceptible to breaks on their hips (or other bones).

For the first time ever, I realised the dangers of being too slim and what this can do to your body.

This was my 8th half marathon. I knew how to train. I knew how to up the intensity gradually. I knew how to carb load. The medical experts think that I was ‘unlucky’ as opposed to necessarily being at risk for the above factors, but it still hits home that being focussed on losing weight or excessive training can be so harmful to you.

But, if I’m totally honest with myself, I know that the fundamental problem was that I wasn’t letting my body rest and recover properly. I was enjoying every element of my training and I felt so fit, strong and healthy that I didn’t think I had any reason to dial it down.

I find it so much harder to admit that I might have been pushing myself too hard. Especially when I think ‘why did I do this?’, ‘what for?’. In reality, I know it’s because I also want to be aiming for something and doing better. This focus on running and feeling like I was good at something, really did help me to get through a dark time and feel good about myself.

But, on my path to constantly do more, get better, get fitter. I ended up being too focussed on that to listen to my body when it was already in pain.

Now I always have to think:

Would I rather be as lean as possible, or be able to do the things I want to? Obviously the latter.

Over the last few weeks I have become pretty lean again.

This has been a by-product of not eating out (thanks lockdown) and not drinking (physio advice). I still haven’t been able to run more than 5K since breaking my hip. I have indirectly suffered from hip injuries on the opposite one to the one that I broke on and off for the past 18 months. Hence my latest sober spree is to help me recover from this. One injury doesn’t always stop you from doing what you want to do, but it sure can be something you need to stay on top of for the rest of your life.

Realising how toned I look is a reminder for me to go out and eat more & at least watch the intensity of my training until I’m doing so.

I also need to be very aware that I even when I can be in great shape there are far more important things in life. I have tried to channel my energy and desire to improve into something other than my training in this last lockdown & that has really helped.

I’m really not sure why as a society we put people on a pedestal for being in such good shape.

Maybe it’s because we all know how hard someone has to work to achieve this. We know what they have to sacrifice & we know that most of us don’t want to do that — so fair play to them. It’s probably far more likely to be because it’s what we see all around us. On TV, in films, in adverts, in shops. It’s what we are shown that we should aspire to. & it’s dangerous. It’s dangerous for the health benefits & it’s dangerous for making everyone feel inadequate.

I am all for people striving to be healthy. People being in shape as a by product of a lifestyle that you love? Absolutely — that’s me.

Obviously I enjoy being in shape & I enjoy the compliments that I get from this. But do I enjoy the fact that I’ve spent the last 2 years constantly managing injuries and not being able to do the exercise that I love? Not a single bit. Yes, I’ve learnt a lot and I am now in a position to take way better care of myself, so I’m not totally down about the fact I broke my hip. I think you can take most things in life as a good lesson. But, I wish I had known a lot of this a couple of years ago.

I have learnt that I need to start eating a lot more as I increase the intensity of any exercise. I have learnt the importance of balancing out any training you do with looking after your muscles: stretching, seeing the physio, strength exercises, rest days.

But most importantly, I learnt that there is so much more to life than being lean. The most valuable thing anyone can do is look after their health. & make sure they can do the things that they love. & trust me — being your slimmest possible self is not the best way to achieve that.

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