I’m always wrong & I’m OK with that.

We have a natural instinct to want to know everything and always be right. Being wrong means that we’re not perfect. We might fear that it means that we’re not good at something. It can damage our integrity.

It is so deeply ingrained into us to want to be right, that we often can’t see when we’re wrong.

There is a great power that comes with accepting that often, we are just wrong about things.

Humans are wrong

Being wrong comes in various forms.

We misremember things, we make the wrong assumptions, our emotions ride our decisions (which we later decide might not have been the best idea).

We often wrongly predict how we will adapt to certain scenarios. We are bad at judging what will make us happy and we certainly misremember the past — often focussing on the positives over the negatives.

When I look at assumptions that I made, even this week — I can safely say that I got many things wrong.

I thought I needed to do more to be better at my job, but my family assured me that I needed some time off and they were definitely right. I often am so busy and caught up in what I’m doing, that I can’t see what’s best for me and I benefit from advice from friends and family.

I thought I would get FOMO watching everyone go out again, but I’ve actually loved seeing everyone’s happy faces and still enjoyed time in on my own when I felt like I needed it. I have actually adapted to spending time on my own better than I thought. I have practised so much gratitude for the life that I have, and an understanding of what makes me happy, that I am now less focussed on other people. See, even the way that we feel about the same events can change over time — meaning that we can now be wrong about things that we used to be right about.

My ability to be wrong is often very clear at work. I have to make multiple decisions a day. I am always dealing with different people — who can be very unpredictable. I don’t always have all of the information. This is why ‘hindsight is a wonderful thing’.

We’re incredibly influenced by confirmation bias. This rules every decision I make. Every time I choose to do something, it is in line with my values and beliefs. & that doesn’t make it right – it just often makes it seem right to me.

The real truth is, there is often not a right or a wrong, but often your own and others interpretation of an event.

Even your own interpretation can change over time – so we really are almost always wrong about something.

The dilemma

So, we have a desire to be right, but we are often wrong.

I spend a lot of time trying to prove myself. To my family, to my friends, to my peers and bosses. I want people to think I have my life together. I want people to think I’m great at what I do. I feel like I need to give off the impression that I know more than I do, and that I have things under control.

People can suffer from self-affirmation. They think that they know everything, that they’re 100% right. If anything goes wrong or goes against them then they think they’re unlucky, or that it was someone else’s fault.

So I put pressure on myself to be right and to impress others, and when suffering from self-affirmation, people can struggle to see where they’re wrong.

The power of accepting that you don’t know everything

There is a great freedom that comes with accepting that I could be wrong about something.

It allows me to treat everything in life like an experiment. I can say to yourself — ‘I don’t know this’, or ‘I don’t know how to do this’, ‘but I can try’. I can try to do something, and see what you learn. The point isn’t to be perfect the first time, but to make progress towards improvement.

When I accept that I don’t know everything, I take the pressure off myself to be perfect. I give myself a chance to figure something out.

If you assume that you’re ignorant and you understand self-acceptance, then you can adopt a mindset that allows you to keep learning.

When I accept that I might only know 60% of things, and that I don’t need to know 100%, then I adopt a much more powerful mindset. The important thing is taking the steps to get closer to knowing more. It’s being able to learn from others.

The more that I accept that I could be wrong, then the more informed I am about the decisions that I make. Accepting that I could be wrong allows me to question what it could mean if I were wrong. What could the alternative be? I can take a more holistic approach to my decision making and allow my mind to explore alternatives and potentially come up with better ideas.

A common technique used in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is to ask yourself what it would mean if you were wrong about something. This allows you to challenge your thinking errors and see an alternative truth. Being able to accept that you could be wrong about your own mind and thoughts, can lead some people to live a happier life. It certainly worked for me in many scenarios. I am able to challenge my own inner dialogue and see a much more positive alternative and use that to my advantage in every day happiness.

Accepting that I could be wrong allows me to build better relationships with others. When you think you are right, and someone else is wrong, you can step into a power struggle. When both parties want to be right, the battle starts on who will win. When someone else tries to show me that I might be wrong, my pride gets in the way and I’m put on the defensive. This rarely results in a positive outcome for either of us.

If I can accept that I could be wrong, I get less defensive & I am able to see the other persons side of the story. If we all operate like this, and can truly listen to what the other person has to say, we could have much more fruitful conversations.

Accepting that I might be wrong about something, and that I don’t know everything, provides me with so much power. It allows me to take pressure off myself, constantly learn, make better decisions and build better relationships 👏🏼