Let’s Stop Pretending That Good Habits Are What Transform Our Lives
Let’s stick to staying healthy, but doing what we need to do to feel alive.
Far too often you see posts titled “Giving up alcohol changed my life,” “Meditation made me the person I am today,” “I read 100 books in 100 days and became a millionaire.”
These catchy headlines lead us all to think that we should be doing more. That our current levels of self-care aren’t efficient. That we’ll never achieve great things if we don’t have an amazing morning routine.
And it’s just not true.
This might sound a little crazy and hypocritical coming from someone that in the last three months:
- Practised yoga every weekday
- Walked daily
- Hit a 60-day Duolingo streak
- Finished their seventh book of the year
- Spent six weeks without drinking
- Meditated for seven hours
But that’s why I want to shed some light on what I’ve learnt from living this kind of life.
Only implement habits that help you solve problems or capitalise on something you enjoy.
Mark Manson summarises it well in The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F**k:
“For any change to happen in your life, then you must be wrong about something. If you’re miserable day after day, then you’re probably wrong about something.”
Just because society makes something seem like a good idea, or because you’ve seen someone else find success from something, doesn’t mean that this will work for you.
We need to recognise what our own problems or opportunities for change are and think about what changes will serve us best.
I implemented the above habits because I had problems to solve.
In January, my workload doubled and I picked up a new hip injury for the third time in two years. I wanted to try meditation to clear my head at night and sleep well.
I needed to start walking and practising yoga to stop myself from sitting in the same spot 24/7 (as I spent most of the first part of the winter, which probably led to my injury). The physio advised a break from alcohol to help my injury heal. Removing this from my life while the pubs were closed felt like it was at least worth a try.
I also wanted to capitalise on things I enjoyed.
I started learning Spanish a year ago in the hope of visiting South America one day. This allows me to keep dreaming while we can’t travel. Reading allows me to do something that I enjoy that doesn’t involve staring at a screen.
Yes, the changes that I implemented are traditionally seen as “good” habits, but I only brought them into my life when they could help me solve a problem and will only keep them if they continue to make me happy.
Far too often I think people just see meditation or reading or learning a new skill as things that they should do and don’t really think about why they want to do them, or how these things will benefit them. You do learn more through action, so if you think you need a change then it is better to try something than not.
But, the important thing is thinking about why you’re making a change and implementing a change that supports this.
It is not habits alone that transform you, it’s your understanding of what to change and your motivation to do this.
But most successful people will do these things, so they must have some value?
Absolutely, but most successful people do these things because they have the mindset of always wanting to improve.
Implementing these habits alone won’t drastically change you as a person.
Yes, they have benefits:
- My body is hopefully going to come back stronger.
- I am getting more capable of speaking Spanish.
- I do feel slightly more present in my day to day life.
- From reading, I have learnt so much about life, leadership, relationships, happiness, and more.
But on their own, they don’t mean that you’ll necessarily achieve amazing things.
People aren’t CEOs and business owners because they implement these habits. Just as people don’t live happy, fulfilled, and spiritual lives overnight through meditating. They become these things because they know what they need to achieve and they take the right steps for them towards achieving this.
For most of us — we don’t even want to achieve these things.
Speaking for myself, I would give up meditation in a heartbeat to go to the pub with my mates. I personally, would rather lead a life of laughter than of “good” habits.
The important thing is, that ‘success’ can be found in so many different ways.
You need to work out what “success” means to you, and if you need to make any changes in your life to achieve this.
Understand when habits are actually improving your life, and when they’re just making you miserable.
Let’s talk about meditation because that’s the one that I’ve struggled with the most. I don’t really struggle with meditation itself, but I struggle with wanting to do it. I’m not sure if it’s because it has such a stereotypical reputation, or because I do actually find it really difficult to sit still and switch off for 10 minutes.
Sometimes it is worth trying something and sticking with it, even if you don’t look forward to it. In Atomic Habits, “good” habits are described as those with net positive outcomes, and “bad” habits are net negative.
I don’t get any joy when thinking about the idea of meditating, but once I start and once I finish, I feel happier, calmer, and glad that I took the time to do this.
People often say the same thing about other activities like running, the gym, or finding the energy to speak to that friend that you haven’t called in a while. You almost always feel better afterward.
If you’re not feeling these net benefits — then don’t stick with a habit just because you expect it to change your life. It’s probably time to find a new tactic to solve your problems or assess if it’s really a problem you do want to solve.
People often misinterpret the benefits of habits.
Whilst meditating and not drinking, I really thought I was seeing the benefits of better sleep. Then this last week, I slept terribly. Even though I’m still meditating and not drinking. It’s too easy for us to start doing something new and associate any positive change in life to this because we want it to work.
It’s important to remember cause and correlation, and how you might just be of a better mindset when you start doing this type of activity. You might be naturally going to bed earlier because you are fitting in a new routine. You might just be better at switching your phone off before bed when you try something new.
Be happy if you’re seeing the benefits you want to see, but don’t be too quick to solely associate the benefits to the change you made.
You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to transform your life. You need to live.
Giving up drinking really hasn’t been that hard, and that is coming from someone that really does like a glass of wine.
Each time I give up alcohol everyone wants to know I feel better for it. Well no, I don’t. Unless there is a medical risk, I personally don’t think stopping drinking really makes that much difference to your life.
You binge on ice cream and cake as a treat instead. You might sleep better, but if you’re stressed, you still sleep terribly. You might not feel hungover, but I still feel pretty rough at the weekends if I’ve not had enough sleep. My skin might be better — who knows, women’s skin fluctuates all the time.
The key reason for me doing this, to recover from an injury, is happening. Who knows how much the alcohol has to do with this, but I’ll take the progress and pretend this is why, so my sacrifice feels worthwhile.
There is one thing that I am sure of though. As soon as the pubs open — the first thing I’ll be doing is meeting my friends for some pints.
Even though you might see the benefits of some habits, you get to choose how you would rather live your life. I would much rather have a glass of wine in the afternoon sun than have the potential benefits of perfect skin and better sleep.
So do “good” habits transform your life? I don’t think so. Transformation can occur, but it starts with knowing why you want to change and then what — habits are just a helping hand on this journey.
And let’s be real: how many of us really need to transform our lives anyway?! Forget about what society thinks will make you perfect. Let’s stick to staying healthy, but doing what we need to do to feel alive.
