I am in love with the freedom lifestyle, so why do I feel guilty about living it?

I some time off from the writing hobby. In all honesty I’ve been too busy having an amazing time and just didn’t have that much to write about — or at least not anything that I thought anyone would want to read. In reality, who really does want to read constantly about someone else’s happiness?

I mean, some people do & I am forever grateful for my cheerleaders, but I feel like I don’t want to push my happiness in too many people’s faces.

So instead, I’ve spent the past couple of months turning this feeling into guilt for the lifestyle that I’m now living. Having spoken to a few people this week — I know I’m not the only one that has had to battle with this.

& it is a battle that I want to win.

After all — the things that I’m feeling guilty about, are in fact, the things that I am the most grateful for.

In September 2021, I finally left my job, my flat and my very stable life behind to travel the world (indefinitely).

This is what I’d wanted for my adult life, ever since I could remember. A life of freedom, excitement, memories.

It was something that I’d continuously worked towards through my adult life. Making financial decisions that would allow me to do this. Building up my skillset for it. Networking for 12 months before finally leaving work.

& since September 2021 — I really have been living the good life.

It started off as total delight. I couldn’t believe I was doing it. I couldn’t believe it had finally happened. I really did enjoy every single day, I loved all of the people that I met and appreciated the beauty of every country that I visited.

As much as that is still true now, over the past couple of months it’s also come at a cost. I’ve not been able to enjoy it as much as I was.

I’m not exactly sure what changed, but I know the feeling behind the reason why — and that is guilt.

So, what is it that I feel guilty about?

Where do I start? It’s so many things. I didn’t even realise that they’d been building up.

Feeling guilty about how amazing the life is that I’ve created.

I’ve always hated the UK winter. I suffer from SAD, and it has impacted me for years. This year, for the first time ever, I’ve had the freedom to dip into the UK winter for a few weeks and leave again. & that’s such a luxury.

I know I’m not the only one who struggled with the winter. Even if people don’t suffer from SAD. The cold and the short daylight hours make it hard for many people to enjoy it.

So when people would ask about my trip, I’d find myself downplaying everything. I’d say oh it’s not all that great. Sometimes I stay in hostels. I have to continuously make new friends. It’s always a little bit stressful working out how to get from place to place.

The truth is — I’d happily do all of those things in a heartbeat to live the life that I get to live.

I actually had an amazing life in the UK. I had a flat that I loved. Family close by. I spent loads of time with my amazing friends. I created routines that I liked. I loved exploring my city, but I decided that for me, I wanted to explore more chapters of my life and not always stay in one place.

So I know this lifestyle isn’t for everyone. A lot of people have all of the above & their home comforts — which you don’t always get on the road & that’s what makes them happy, and that is great.

I’m delighted with the lifestyle choices I have made, and know that these are what make me happy & I really shouldn’t downplay that.

Feeling guilty about working part-time.

When I started freelancing, I did it on the major condition that I would only work for one or two days a week. My primary goal was to travel, and a bit of income would mean that I could do this for longer.

In fact (not to blow my own trumpet), but I’m so efficient, that when I was working full-time I was doing the equivalent of 4 different roles — so I know for sure that I can be an effective consultant for one / two days a week.

With every prospective client I’ve had, I’ve been very honest about this upfront. They know the deal and they’re quite happy to take someone on that can achieve the job in less time. Experience, track record and reputation often speak for themselves.

Then the question is still why do I feel guilty?

Because I work with colleagues
I have to set my own boundaries about when I will and won’t be in and communicate with colleagues that I am only available at set times. Obviously some people think this is amazing, but I always feel like some people don’t.

This projection often comes from how I used to feel when I was grafting away and someone else might not be working ‘as hard’. Now I know how far from the truth that is. People build expertise over years and the important thing is how they execute on this.

Actually taking time off from work can also be difficult. I often think about work even when I’m not working. I can be tempted to rearrange my plans to put work meetings first.

That was never the plan or the arrangement, and literally no one has a problem with me taking full days off, but it’s a hard habit to shake when I used to always be the available ‘yes’ person.

Because my friends and family work full-time.

How do you explain to others that you only work 2 days a week — without feeling bad about it?

It’s hard.

But I know that my values are different to other people.

I’ve never dreamt of a big house and a family — I never saw that as a priority in my life. Therefore, this isn’t really something that I need to save for or work towards.

My values have also changed.

When I lived in England I’d spend so much money on nights out and clothes that I didn’t need. I’d shop online out of boredom. I’d also save so much money for holidays.

Now that I work part-time. I get to fund my much more cost-effective lifestyle, but it’s a lifestyle that I enjoy so much more.

Again — I realise that we all choose our own life paths and our values and what is important to us, and mine just doesn’t happen to be making as much money as physically possible.

Because working part-time goes against social norms and all that we’ve ever been taught.

Through school and university, the options available to me when thinking about careers were 9–5 jobs. We were never really taught about freedom and flexibility.

In my first job, we had to get permission to work from home and had to be in the office from 9–5.30. If we arrived early and went to leave early, we were often stared at on our way out of the office.

A few years of this type of training and culture can be hard to shake.

Now I get to set the hours that suit me, work when I’m my most productive and I have regular, real, refreshing breaks from work. I genuinely know that this makes me way more effective and is way more sustainable, but it’s still going to take me a while to get used to this without feeling elements of guilt.

Feeling guilty about being able to travel to countries where the locals don’t have the same luxuries.

Travel really does expose you to all of the inequalities that exist in this world. I am extremely grateful to have been born in a country that gave me the opportunities to get a great education, to get a great job and to shape an amazing career. I am also grateful for a strong economy, good health systems and having the confidence to travel.

There are so many people out there that will never get anywhere near the same opportunities. & that really is something to feel guilty about. There is nothing that is fair in that scenario. This isn’t a question of life values or making decisions to suit you.

I also believe that the ‘luxuries’ we have in the Western world aren’t all that. There are too many people chasing status, or a better house or a better car — and it doesn’t really equate to happiness. So I wouldn’t necessarily wish that upon anyone either.

But the world should be more equal. It should be more fair. More people should have more opportunities.

I know that it is good that I feel guilty about this. Feeling guilty is valid in this scenario. & the only way that I think is right to change this feeling, is to use this feeling to drive change. I am still figuring out exactly where I want to focus to help drive some opportunities and use any influence that I have, but it is a very good thing to be aware of.

Who cares about my feelings of guilt anyway?

I know that feeling guilty is such a first-world problem, but it doesn’t help anyone.

Guilt is a negative feeling. The only time that it is useful, is when you should use it to drive change — like my example above. The rest of the time, it is purely wasted energy.

Guilt can also really start to impact my mental health. If I am constantly feeling negative about the life that I am living — what am I really doing it for? I am not allowing myself to enjoy the life that I have created.

& really, the reason why I feel ‘guilt’ is because I’m looking at my life through the lense of what others might think about it.

Over time I’ve learnt that more often than not, other people really don’t care. They’re too busy dealing with their own emotions about their life. & even if they did, their projections and feelings are not mine to own.

The way that society shapes the life that we should live: get an education, get a career, settle down, get a house etc. really needs to be changed. This isn’t the lifestyle for everyone, and for those of us where it isn’t — it’s important that we feel empowered to live our lives in the way that will make us happy.

After all, the things that I feel most guilty about are the things that I am actually the most grateful for:

• Freedom
• Flexibility
• A life full of excitement and adventures

And still smashing everything that I do.

I’m determined to keep living this lifestyle for as long as it serves me, & if I replace that gratitude with guilt, what am I doing it all for anyway?!