A Freestyle Yoga Class Showed Me How I Achieved Self-Confidence

When I rocked up to my 9am yoga class and found out that we were going to freestyle elements of the practise, I realised how much I’d ‘grown’ over the last 2 years. A lot of this growth has created a more confident version of me & one that can decide what I want to do and enjoy this. In just one hour this morning I had at least 5 revelations as to why I have managed to grow into this confident, self-assured version of myself.

I didn’t read the class description beforehand (note to anyone — that’s probably worth doing to avoid any nasty surprises). I just knew that it was 9am on a Saturday — not too early & done in time to enjoy the rest of my day.

The teacher explained the class — ‘authentic yoga’. It was pretty clear that I was going to have to freestyle elements of the class.

A year ago, entering this class and hearing that description would have made me quiver. I would have needed to fight every instinct to not run out that door and pretend that I suddenly wasn’t well. I definitely wouldn’t have had the confidence to do my own thing and would probably have spent an hour sat in child’s pose — one of the only positions that I’d feel confident in without someone telling me I’m ‘doing wrong’.

I wouldn’t say that I ‘do yoga’. This was probably my 10th yoga class ever. I’ve had some practise through using the Down Dog app — mostly in the form of 15 minute stretches.

I don’t know what a “sun salutation” is by name, which we were told to do in the class at our ‘own free will’. (I now do know this and it turns out it’s one of the most basic yoga flows you learn). The point is, a year ago this would have scared the life out of me.

I’d have spent the class trying to copy someone else’s ‘free movement’ out of fear that I’d do something wrong and look silly.

Today was different. I found it so freeing to be told that I was allowed to let my body guide me and move as I saw fit. The transformation in my self-confidence over the last couple of years has been extraordinary and I couldn’t help but wonder why..

1. I’ve become great at doing what I want to do without judgement from anyone else

I’ve lived on my own for almost 3 years now. Including the whole lockdown stint.

I always used to be a bit of a people pleaser. I’d go with the flow. I was very relaxed on what I wanted to do, and therefore always wanted someone else to make a choice on something. Whether that was what we had for dinner or what film we went to see, I’d ask them. Their happiness was more important than mine — I was flexible.

Don’t get me wrong, I could still be pretty selfish. But when it came to making decisions with other people, I didn’t feel like I had many preferences. The same applied to how I lived my life.

I’d go with the crowd. I’d feel a little jealous if I wasn’t doing what most of my friends were doing. I’d compare my life to others and base my happiness on that.

When you spend as much time on your own as I have, you learn to get very good at thinking for yourself and understanding what makes you happy. Lockdown helped me to do that in complete isolation of worrying about what others were doing or their opinion.

I have learnt to enjoy life so much more by doing what feels good for me. Starting my day off being told to do this in a yoga class, helped flow into the rest of my day. Walking home I decided that I wanted to have a coffee and write this article. I then had an urge to go to the butchers and buy meat for a roast dinner tomorrow. I no longer plan every hour of my day.

I give myself the space and freedom to go with what feels right and what I will enjoy.

By learning what I want to do, actioning that and getting the feedback that I’ve enjoyed myself — I’ve become more confident in doing what I want to do and..

2. Not worrying about what others think of me.

I read a great quote by Haenim Sunim. He said ‘I cannot remember what my friend was wearing when I saw her a week ago … If I cannot remember, then why would she remember similar things about me’. His point is:

We shouldn’t spend so much time wondering or worrying about what others think about us when we don’t think about others ourselves.

It’s so true. No one is really out there judging me. & if they are, well it’s kind of their problem. As long as they can live their life separately to me, how I behave should have no impact on their lives. Often when it does, it speaks internally to something that they are uncomfortable with in their own lives.

I’ve seen this in myself.

The happier I’ve become, the less resentment or judgement I’ve held towards others.

I understand that we all have our own things that make us tick. & we should celebrate and embrace them. We especially don’t judge others when they’re being true to their authentic self. We don’t need everyone else to want to do the same things as us. Find different friends for different niches in your life. Have the confidence to do what you want to do.

3. You build confidence by practising something — sometimes you’ve just got to start.

Part of the reason that I’m a lot more confident in going freestyle than I would have been 2 years ago is that I have practised. I still only know the basics. I can’t do any inversions, but my down dog is alright (I think).

I haven’t been to many classes, but 15 minutes a day on an app in the comfortable space of my own home has taught me enough to let me get by without being guided & to know what I enjoy and what feels right for me.

The same applies to anything.

We learn the most by taking action.

We become writers through using our writing muscle. We become ‘healthy’ people by creating evidence that we’re healthy. As James Clear says in Atomic Habits — “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” We become an identity by creating evidence behind the person we choose to be.

Today I didn’t know the lingo (sun salutation). Sometimes I feel like a fraud if I don’t know everything. I don’t feel like I should speak or act on a subject, but often I know more than I think. & we’re all just here figuring it out.

Practise helps you grow your confidence — so if you want to do something, just start.

4. There’s no right or wrong in life, just different ways that things can be done.

This was emphasised so much in the yoga class. There is no wrong. No one is going to tell you or judge you for how you choose to move, just go with what feels right in the body.

This is the same in life. Some people might be making moves that look more impressive than ours. They might have way more experience in what they’re doing. That no longer scares me, it empowers me to create my own path. If I want to get to where someone else is, I know that I need to practise to get there. They’ve been on the journey that I’m on, so they’re not going to judge me for my flow being less advanced than theirs.

I also know that I might not want to take a certain path.

I don’t want to practise yoga all of the time. I use it to compliment my regular gym routine. So I need to live being comfortable that I might not always be as good at it as others, because it’s not where my priorities lie. This applies to anything you choose to do in life.

That acceptance is so freeing, and allows you to live your life on your own terms.

5. I now try things without judgement and see what I enjoy.

By taking an experimental approach to life, there’s a lot that I have learnt. I don’t love everything that I do. I’m not always great at it. But — what’s the harm in trying. What’s the worse that can happen? I’ll feel silly? I’ll not like it?

Feeling silly — I now know I can control (see points above).

If I don’t like something. Great. I have now learnt what doesn’t make me tick. I don’t have to do it again.

But, what if I like it. What if I find the next new thing for me.

Variety is the spice of life. I have learnt how great it feels to switch things up. I now love stepping outside of my comfort zone. I have only learnt to love that when I’ve treated things like an experiment.

I turn up and I try something. I have my success criteria for it — does it make me happy, is it good for me, does it benefit my life in some way. & if it ticks these boxes, I can continue. If it doesn’t, I can learn why and move on.

This removes any pressure or expectations from myself to enjoy something, or even to be good at it. The point isn’t to be great. The point is for me to show up and try. That mindset changes everything. It allows me to be confident enough to attempt anything.

All of these learnings allowed me to go to a new class, surrounded by new people & still show up, be myself and enjoy it. I don’t think there are many things in life more empowering that living a great life on your own terms.